my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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