I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
