I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
