I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
