you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
