I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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