If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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