She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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