I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
