Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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