i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
