how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
