Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
this hospital has no fireball
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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