she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
