just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
