YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
