I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
