I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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