i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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