someone get that fucking seahorse.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
