He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
