someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
