I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize