This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
