Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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