I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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