sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
