I bet he comes in French.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
