She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
