You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't deserve a penis
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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