Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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