Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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