My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
