On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize