OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
