my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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