Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
