like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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