I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
