Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
