drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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