I wish I could teleport
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just high enough for therapy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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