I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
