Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
