He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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