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Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
