hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
