I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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