Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
