he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you never un-have a 4some
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
