Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
