i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
honey bunches of taint.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
