Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
