I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
