I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
