carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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