Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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