Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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