bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
