Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
