Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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