I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
