addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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