Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
