Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
