I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
