Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
