I skipped work to stalk him.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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