Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
pop tarts are not kleenex
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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