You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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