Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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