I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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