hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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