He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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