We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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