um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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