We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
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Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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