Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
