Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I deserve this hangover.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
