were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
