What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
