What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
